What About Gentleness?

In the above scripture, gentleness, in various translations, is also called “kindness, long-suffering, or meekness.” The dictionary says that gentleness is the “quality of being kind, tender, or mild-mannered; softness of action or effect; lightness.” Gentleness involves having a humble heart that displays kindness toward others. Gentleness shows itself as soft hearted, “touched with the feeling of others’ infirmities,” as is our Lord.

Gentleness is a type of meekness sometimes erroneously thought of as weakness. The truth is that it takes great strength to be truly meek, particularly in the face of adversity. Some may believe that a strong person, particularly a male, cannot show gentleness as it is somehow emasculating to show such vulnerability. That is surely not God’s viewpoint. Jesus was gentle (meek) and mild, yet also spoke with authority such as the scribes and Pharisees had never heard.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29 NIV

God recognizes this special quality in strong and mighty people humbling themselves to meekly deal with a child, to be kind to those “beneath” them, to deal gently with their spouse, friends and neighbors, and communities. We are truly touched, for example, to see a big strong man hold his precious child with gentleness. It’s impactful when a famous or powerful person remains humble and kind to others.

This is just like Jesus, Who was very gentle with sinners, never speaking to them harshly or chastising them as He did the religious leaders of His time. It is controlled strength rather than weakness, which is a lack a strength. More than one leader God has chosen is meek and gentle in their nature while God uses them as strong and mighty warriors on behalf of His kingdom and His people. Consider Moses, the great leader of the Israelites whom God used to bring them out of bondage:

“Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman. And they said, ‘Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?’ And the Lord heard it.

Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth… ‘Hear my words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord make myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream.

Not so with my servant Moses. He is faithful in all my house. With him I speak mouth to mouth, clearly, and not in riddles, and he beholds the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?’” Numbers 12:1-2; 6-8 ESV

In this account, Moses did not defend himself with Miriam and Aaron—God did. Meekness is an attitude, a quality of character resulting in gentleness when interacting with others. The impact of gentleness is clear in other Old Testament passages:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 NIV

“Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15 NIV

“You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.” Psalms 18:35 NIV

These passages show the great power of gentleness in interactions with others. David knows that the gentleness of God made him great, a mighty and powerful warrior with a heart for God who was humble even when corrected for grievious sin.

Gentleness may be admired, but is it sought like the other fruits of the spirit? How many sermons have we heard about gentleness? The fruits of the spirit are not rank-ordered, though love, of course, encompasses all of them. When we follow after to know the Lord in His fullness, we should desire to display them all! Yet, would every Christian take it as a compliment if told they are gentle? It is surely valued and highly recommended to believers in the New Testament as well:

“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” Titus 3:1-2 NIV

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 NIV

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 NIV

Gentleness is a fruit of the spiritual seed the Lord has planted and will nurture in us as we are maturing in His kingdom. Our Lord was born a male and fully masculine while displaying all the fruits of the spirit in His nature. While gentleness may be undervalued whether in our American culture or many others, we surely do not want to miss out on this wonderful quality of the fullness of Christ within.

We are a nation of doers so perhaps that is the reason gentleness does not get ministered like other fruits of the spirit. But gentleness is much appreciated by the sensitive hearts and spirit of children, though some may think such gentleness is a lack of strength. When a child tests a gentle, godly parent, they often learn there is a cord of great strength present as well. Gentleness does not mean lack of strength, but strength under control in all word and deed.

All God’s creation appreciates a gentle spirit! Animals are particularly attuned and responsive to a gentle approach. Their spirit senses when being approached by a gentle and loving human. And a soft answer surely does turn away wrath. Where there is fear or shame, gentleness, even in confrontation, helps others hear more easily what is being said. Paul, that bold apostle, says:

“Let your gentle spirit [be known] to all people. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5, NASB

In this scripture, the King James version translates “gentle spirit” as “moderation.” The Greek word is “epieikes,” meaning “mild, gentle, moderation, patient.” Going deeper into the Greek root, “eiko” means to “be weak, that is yield–give place.” What an interesting thing for Paul to tell the Philippians! You would think he would say “Let your faith…” or “Let your joy…” or any of the other aspects of His nature be known to all men. This quality must have been highly important to be followed by the reminder that the Lord is near!

When the Lord is near, so is His gentleness. Gentleness is a quality that is sensed perhaps even more than seen. God enjoys His people distinctly showing forth qualities that are rare, less valued by human nature. While people seem to value the powerful and rich, He shows forth His distinction when His people act and react differently than what others are used to seeing.

Harshness drives others away, but gentleness is a magnet. Most respond to gentleness, maybe even melt a little inside, when receiving a gentle or kind word or gesture, particularly if it is unanticipated or felt to be undeserved. Our Lord, without doubt, is the strongest God-human ever and He IS gentleness. Jesus tells us that being gentle and humble will bring rest to our souls. When we are not arrogantly insisting on our position or our rights, we humbly accept what comes our way, yielding to what is rather than what we would like to be.

Pride is the opposite of humility, is it not? Human pride is easy to activate, but when we are humble, we neither defend nor explain ourselves unless God so leads. And we certainly do not need to defend God! Jesus modeled being a servant, not an arrogant master. He came to serve and so are we in this world, the servants of God to others. To minister is to serve, not to be waited upon and exalted.

Though we are not all created with gentle and kind natures, we cannot use the excuse “Well, that’s just not how God made me.” God would not list gentleness as a fruit of the spirit if He was not able to produce that characteristic in each of us. Sincere Christians desire to have an appropriate Christ-like heart response in every situation. In the fullness of God, we are able to allow the Lord to write these characteristics, the fruits of the spirit, on our hearts, so we can be like our Lord. If we only have one style of interacting, even if it is just gentleness, we are out of balance.

There’s a saying, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem you see is a nail.” (A. Maslow, 1966) Our wonderful Lord has many different responses to a variety of people, endless tools to change us into His likeness and image. Do you suppose He interacted with strong-willed Peter the same as tender-hearted John? They had very different personalities, but Jesus knew their hearts. Both became mighty servant apostles, laying down their lives for their Lord. He knew what experiences would shape each into what was necessary for their calling

We are not to be concerned with such differences. Jesus told Peter not to worry about how others will proceed in their calling:

“Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved [John] following them. He was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper to ask, ‘Lord, who is going to betray You?’

When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain until I return, what is that to you? You follow Me!’” John 21:20-22 Berean

Gentleness does not co-exist with superiority or dominance over others. While there are “gifts differing”, we are all of one Body. When one of God’s people is elevated over another because of God’s calling, the human heart may begin to harbor all kinds of fleshly considerations. God takes no pleasure in one part of His body “lording it over” or being envious of another part of His body. In fact, he hates division and there is no division in Love.

But such behavior is ingrained in our flesh, showing up immediately in the early church’s competition for leadership and power. Jesus said we are called to be servants, humble as He is, not to rule with pride of position. Perhaps this is part of the reason for Paul’s admonition to Timothy:

“But avoid foolish discussions with ignorant men, knowing--as you do--that these lead to quarrels; and a bondservant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be inoffensive towards all men, a skillful teacher, and patient under wrongs.” 2 Timothy 2:24 Weymouth

Timothy was the closest to Paul during Paul’s ministry, with Paul fathering him in the Lord. Just so, God knows how to Father each of us in our calling. Inoffensive responses to the quarrelsome who want to debate foolish topics surely require gentleness. It is not effective to respond to the quarrelsome with a quarrel! A soft answer does work wonders!

“A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 1:1 KJV

Surely this takes humilith, and gentleness is a close companion to it. It’s hard to imagine humility and kindness being displayed at the same time as pride and arrogance. How much more of the light and presence of God is noted when strength is humbled to gentleness and meekness as in our Lord?

And we are definitely not all alike! It does take God’s wisdom and understanding to respond in edifying ways to all we encounter. We may have a gift for being straightforward in our conversation, or tenderly empathic and loving with others. But God promised we’d have all the tools, not just one, for the work He calls us to do. Each of us is created with the capacity to show forth the love of God, to be enChristed in our own unique ways.

It does not take much to share a genuinely kind word of encouragement to those around us, particularly others who provide for our needs in so many little and big ways. To share an appreciation for what others do, to find ways to acknowledge others’ work and its value to us, is a small thing greatly appreciated by others, particularly the invisible in our society. People often recall good words, kindly and sincerely given to them, in their lives. Such words are valued and cherished by many. Gentleness can be practiced as God leads until it is established in our hearts and easily flows out in sincerity to others.

Gentleness does not desire another to suffer hurt, responding tenderly when it happens. Gentleness rather than harshness has soothed many an angry or troubled soul. Anger begets anger and such emotions, though humanly understandable or even justified, rarely lead to problem-solving. We’re too busy defending ourselves or our position, thinking of our answers rather than listening. We are in the emotional, rather than the thinking part, of our brains. We feel personally attacked which draws our attention away from what we may have actually done wrong that requires correction.

Children especially, in their innocent foolishness, need gentle understanding when they make mistakes and create messes. They don’t have the mental or emotional development to understand their behaviors nor the consequences. This is in contrast to the child (or adult) who routinely, willfully, and arrogantly challenges authority. Many such children become skilled in getting others into arguments that distract from what they have done. A gentle answer can stop them in their tracks.

It is also a red flag for the future of a child who does not show gentleness or compassion, particularly with animals. This child may not have the capacity for empathy. Some children have to be taught how to be empathic, to put themselves in the place of others so they can identify with their feelings. And, of course, children learn harshness from adults so it is imperative to have the Lord in our parenting.

Softened hearts can receive the word of the Lord in a way that a hard and arrogant heart cannot. God uses the rain, the presence of His Spirit, to soften our earthly hearts so He can plant the seed of His word. It is the same with natural rain so necessary to plant crops on formerly dry earth. Our softened hearts are thirsty for the rain of His spirit, the love of God. We know we are to love as God loves, loving our neighbor as ourselves.

When asked by His disciples, Jesus said this is the second commandment, after loving the Lord:

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.

And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself .’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 NIV

Does love co-exist with harshness and arrogance? No, it does not. As we grow into Him, we anticipate our Lord dealing with our hearts, removing the root of harshness and arrogance, pride and control. More than one arrogant person does not, deep down, have much confidence. It’s sad when someone uses pride, arrogance, and controlling ways to cover up their vulnerability and fear. When people attempt to control rather than be kind and gentle, they need even more love!

There is a way for Christians to honor all people, to show forth the gentleness of our God with everyone. This is not weakness, but meekness. What would happen to national and international politics if those in authority practiced gentleness and kindness in their interactions with others? Jesus was known for His godly authority and His leadership is unparalleled. So too would kind and gentle leaders be most powerful. There probably are some leaders like this, but they surely don’t make the news!

Finally, let’s look at the need to be kind and gentle to ourselves. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is a balance here that Christians may miss. It is not selfishness to love ourselves, it is natural. Many times we may speak very harshly to ourselves, saying things we would never say to another. Perhaps our internal conversation even sounds similar to harsh and critical voices of correction from our past. Jesus does not mistake a lack of confidence or self-esteem as a display of love.

God loves us no matter what. He is not the one battering us in our consciences. If you have ever had the Lord “on your case,” prompting you to do the right thing, you know it is not the same. Harshness and arrogance, internally as well as externally, attempts to shame or even “beat” us into submission, railing at us with words or threats. This is coercion by fear, not truth in love. This way, reaps compliance at most, not recognition of wrong by heartfelt submission or genuine change.

God does not speak to us in this way, though He has a very firm voice to get our attention when we are in danger or being disciplined. God’s truth is always fully married to His mercy and love. God the Father, as seen in His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, is always and forever compassionate and of great patience with His children. He comes internally to judge our flesh to change us, showing us where correction is necessary for growth, always with a redemptive purpose in mind.

Aren’t you glad He is gentle? Think about it. Should gentleness be something to pray about, to seek?