His Ways Are Not Our Ways
“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.’” Romans 12:17-21 NASB
When first reading this scripture of God “heaping coals of fire” on the heads of our enemies, it sounds like a great idea! We can trust God to “get ‘em” for us! He says to leave retribution (vengeance) to Him and He will repay. These burning coals are not to be brought with a vengeance taken into our hands. We are to endeavor to leave all that to God, seeking for peace. When we show mercy, kindness, and care to our enemies, we are heaping those coals of fire by bringing the fire of His wrath, and His great passion into the situation. We are to get out of the way and watch how God deals with them. We can trust He will, having faith in what we do not yet see.
What more is He really saying in these scriptures? Consider what motivates us to offer food and drink, literally or spiritually, to our enemies. If we are overcoming evil with good, we are doing it in God’s goodness, and His care for all. We are passionate to do right in God’s eyes regardless of the role of this enemy in our midst. It is a wrong heart motive to apply this scripture to exacting vengeance on our enemies. God is in charge of any vengeance and His retribution is always just. He knows exactly what our enemies need to change them, now or in the life to come.
God’s wrath is His passion, not His anger. It is indignation against sin, never the sinner. He is very, very passionate in His great love in redeeming sinners. The root word for “wrath” in Greek is, “orge”, meaning “desire or violent passion.” God is deeply passionate about the world coming to know Him, for all to be reconciled unto His purposes. He has a fiery passion for everyone to be in a relationship with Him. Oh, how He loves us!
His retribution is perfect, just as He is perfect. He strongly, passionately desires us to receive and walk in the fullness of all Christ has accomplished. Just so, His fiery passion is directed at our enemies to change them, on this side of heaven or in the afterlife. He is promising us that He will deal with our enemies with His redemptive justice and mercy. God is not a man that He can lie!
Our human judgments may get in the way of God’s actions in dealing with our enemies. If we act with vengeful delight in response to our enemies, they cannot see God through the judgments we’re putting upon them. Our own loving compassion for others we care about may also get in the way of what God would choose to accomplish. But we are not to pray away the fire that God has set to change them unless God directs. When we do, our human mercy gets in the way of the dealings of God for change.
God reveals this to some of us, as He did to me in past years. He told me that my “spiritual skirts’” were spread over an unbeliever that I loved, such that God could not deal with Him as He needed to. In His mercy for me, He limited His dealings. What a shock! I learned to let it be God’s justice and mercy, not mine. We ask from a heart of forgiveness and peace with others, even our enemies, but God knows best what needs to unfold and when. We do not want to get in the way of God’s intentions!
We are not to take into our own hands what is only God’s business. Our Lord’s walk on this earth models this for us. Jesus knew His enemies could only do what His Father allowed them to do. Vengeance is His, so if there is to be punishment, including consequences, He knows what is redemptive for our enemies, We can be sure it is fitting and does the work He intends. Even when being betrayed and arrested, Jesus said that all He had to do was ask and His Father would send a myriad of angels to rescue Him. That was not God’s plan. He knew His Father was in charge, not those who betrayed Him.
How many words have we wasted in our relationships when the other person is unable to hear truth, though it is correct and right? What if the truth is hindered by impatient, angry, blaming, and even disdainful attitude in the heart impacting the spirit of our words? God always sees the thoughts and intents of our hearts when we want others to be punished rather than redeemed.
Words are very important but God desires more than just our words we speak to others. Human vengeance without God’s balance makesthings worse, distracting the person from the issue to the attitudes coming at them. This is only prolonging the conflict with those coming against us.
Yes, indeed, God does tell us in this passage and others to “get out of His way”! Vengeance here is from the Greek word “ekdikos” meaning “carrying justice out.” It may include the thought of punishment or revenge, which God is capable of doing when necessary. Behavior has consequences and we are not to tempt the Lord by doing something to put Him to the test. Father God, Who is love, is carrying out this justice. His vengeance is sure to deal with sin and wrongdoing, and His word is powerful, far different from the angry words that sometimes feels so good to say, but accomplish nothing.
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 NIV
God’s judgment always has the purpose to redeem, flowing from His heart of mercy for a better outcome, ultimately, for the wrongdoer’s salvation, even if it takes centuries. God brings the fire of His presence to consume what is not of Him. The meaning of “fire” (Greek: “pur”) is the purifying presence of God brought upon our enemies’ heads, on their understanding. Of course, nothing can stand in the presence of our Lord without being changed. As Peter stated, our God is a consuming fire. He promises to burn up our dross—everything that is not Him.
God does not chastise people because He feels like it, had a bad day, can’t take any more, or all the other reasons we behave to others as we do. His purpose is always to bring about a change, to purify rather than punish. God wastes nothing in His redemptive purpose. He has no need to “pay back” those who harm or wrong us, though He does allow natural consequences to occur. This life is designed to teach us about God through our experiences, including all we suffer. As we mature in Christ, we recognize God’s work when others wrong us undeservedly.
The author of Psalms 119, believed to be David, stated:
“It was good for me to be afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes.” Psalms 119:71 Berean
So then, what is to be in our hearts as we consider our enemies, those who come against us or those we love, to hurt and harm us? How shall we deal with those who do love us yet cause wounds and harm? We can ask God immediately “What are you trying to teach me? What are the lessons for me in this situation with those against me?” We surely do not want to miss any of God’s lessons for us when we are dealing with external or, more often, internal enemies to our promised spiritual land.
One purpose from the Lord is teaching us more deeply about having a heart of forgiveness. The process of forgiveness can be a challenging experience for us Christians, yet our Lord says we are to do so, over and over, many times:
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!’” Matthew 18:25 Berean
This number is not a recommendation to count until we get to 77! It is representative of the countless times we are to forgive our brothers in Christ, sometimes harder to do than forgive our enemies! Jesus goes on to share the parable of the Master who loans money to two servants. One is mercifully forgiven when he cannot repay but goes right out to deal harshly with someone who owes him. The Master is most displeased about this!
The other servant, after the Master, dealt graciously with him and forgave his debt, is merciful to his debtors. The unforgiving, merciless servant is then punished by the Master, putting this servant in jail until he pays the last farthing. What judgment we have for others is what God will put on us. The point:
“That is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:34 Berean
God is not pleased with mere words of forgiveness. He desires true forgiveness from the heart. We are debtors who have been forgiven much by our Lord. So, too, should we forgive those who “transgress against us” as the Lord’s prayer states. The judgment we put on others is how we are judged. God says so. He doesn’t want us to just go through the motions. He wants this forgiveness to be deep within us, a true change in our thoughts and emotions. He is the only one who can work such a change in us regardless of circumstances.
While we don’t face a literal jail when refusing to forgive our brother in Christ, we are kept in a prison of our anger and thoughts of revenge, sometimes for many years. Some err in believing we can harbor unforgiveness and even hate without paying an internal price. Those who have been grievously harmed, suffering great loss, live in perpetual distress in mind and body because they are unable to forgive. Only God, in His mercy, can work forgiveness in such hearts, reminding us that our Master has graciously and repeatedly forgiven us for our transgressions. Unforgiveness is a robber of peace and love, for sure!
There are times when we know He says to forgive but honestly, we just don’t want to! We know we are supposed to forgive, but where do we start if we aren’t willing? It’s surprising how many Christians strongly condemn the sins of the flesh yet harbor unforgiveness, resentment, and even bitterness in their hearts towards others. It may seem like forgiveness is letting the other off the hook, excusing or even condoning their behavior. Sadly, this is not reserved for just our enemies. It’s often found in our hearts towards those we love—our family and friends as well as our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Lack of forgiveness brings much harm to human relationships. That’s why God told us to keep our hearts clean, not to go to bed angry, and to prioritize having a pure heart toward others. Every one of us Christians needs to exercise our spiritual forgiveness muscles to be ready for implementation! And God has that covered as well! When we don’t want to forgive or can’t see our way to do so, we can count on His ability to change our will to match His will:
“...work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
Do all things without grumbling or disputing; that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world…” Philippians 2: 12-16 NASB
What great news! When we are not willing, God works on our willingness! He does this when we ask—and sometimes when we don’t because someone else is praying for us. He starts where we are, creating in our hearts a desire to do His will. We may be reluctant, but He is able to change that so we can forgive without grumbling and disputing, ruminating and resenting, rebelling in our hearts about why this happened to us. We can be transparent with the Lord, acknowledging honestly where we are in our hearts. God already knows but we surrender to His inner working when we admit it to Him. Where there is resistance, we ask Him to plant a willingness.
There are deep hurts that wound in devastating ways that cannot be rapidly resolved, but we can surrender to His will regardless of our feelings. We do desire deliverance from our soul’s struggles within but how long it takes depends upon the hardness of our hearts in the situation or relationship as well as the grievousness of the wound. In all circumstances, our will is surrendered to God, becoming an anchor for our soul into God’s will. While our thoughts and emotions may sway the rope back and forth on that anchor, we are sustained in the purpose of forgiveness, having committed to God’s way.
We are to forgive as we have been forgiven–freely, without merit or worthiness, without conditions, as unto the Lord. None of us are deserving of God’s mercy or able to earn His forgiveness. But we use our human reasoning to justify why another does not deserve our forgiveness. We have many reasons, all humanly understandable. We’re still too hurt and angry, we want to protect ourselves from more hurt, we want justice or to see the other suffer before we forgive, it is absolutely unforgivable, they deserve retribution, and on and on.
We learn about the struggle to forgive, finding God’s way instead of holding on to hurts, resentment, anger, unforgiveness or even bitterness. We all have family, friends, teachers and fellow Christians whose behaviors and choices cause undeserved suffering and pain. One cannot be in this world without having incurred offenses. Yet some people still carry resentment and bitterness about a sibling or parent’s past behavior, cut off or continuing to fume, even bringing up old transgressions, still believing they “got away with” something. Yet, unless we see into the heart of the one who hurt us, how can we know what God has done in them?
Confusion around the process of forgiveness is very common but be clear about this: when we carry unforgiveness in our hearts, we become the burdened ones, in bondage to our thoughts and emotions. The guidance of the holy spirit is also necessary when wanting to support others struggling with the directive to forgive. With grievous, deep wounds in this life, a deeply damaged heart may not be ready or able to hear and just telling someone they should forgive only applies a surface “band-aid “ to an infected wound without cleaning it out first.
Yes, forgiveness is God’s command for us, made possible through Jesus Christ our Lord. But He goes beyond the law of forgiveness to creating a heart that forgives. Forgiveness is too important to apply as a bandaid over a festering wound of emotions. We should not lightly or casually say, “Well, you need to forgive” when we have no understanding of the situation, no discernment from the Lord. Horrendous, seemingly unforgivable things happen to others that are far beyond our experiences. It takes God’s wisdom and time to understand, let alone help others in this process.
When we don’t know why such things are happening to a fellow believer, it’s best to stick with what we know. And we do know that it is not that God does not love them! While children need to be taught forgiveness by word and behavior, mature Christians cannot have the fruit of the spirit fully manifest in their lives with mere spoken words. And when we are the offended ones, it is even more challenging as the person continues in hurtful ways, showing no remorse. But God does not make any exceptions in His forgiveness policy. His forgiveness is unconditional—no conditions!
We do not get a pass on forgiveness because others continue in their hurtful or harmful ways. God may allow or cause the relationship to end as a consequence of the other’s continual harmful behavior but the heart still needs to forgive. Consider a woman who is in an abusive, violent relationship. There is the daily wear and tear on a person’s entire being of being ridiculed and mistreated, threatened and experiencing physical harm, abandoned and alone. She may have to leave in order to keep herself and her children safe.
This should be the heart of the matter for Christians who are praying about being seriously mistreated, abandoned, abused or living in violence with no safety within or without. What is God leading them to do, inside their hearts where they listen for His will? Many would keep such a believer in an unsafe prison to follow the law against separation or divorce. But there is a time when those in prison are set free.
God, in His mercy and grace, releases His called and chosen to go further in His purposes. To be truly free, the survivor of abuse and violence needs forgiveness in their heart whether the partner ever knows about it or not. Forgiveness, however, does not require staying in dangerous situations. God protects the innocent. Those who are victimized by the use of abuse or threat of harm to violently control another are innocent, despite the abuser’s rationale of “Well s/he deserved it. S/he is disrespectful, disobedient, needing to be controlled or corrected.
Some Christian leaders, lacking in discernment and often having no experience in these matters, have directed those who are being abused to stay or return for the sake of the marriage vows. They prioritize the law of staying married over mercy for the one victimized. This is more often offered by someone who has never been in this position. The key is what the holy spirit directs that person to do, but what a time to lose the spiritual support of those who disagree and judge the victim for leaving. They lack understanding of God’s standard of forgiveness as an inner work that truly frees one internally, whether the relationship is sustained or not. This is God’s business.
While it is God’s ideal that hearts be truly repentant of the harm and hurt caused to another, it is not our job to require this. Perhaps we want the other person to be good and sorry before we extend our mercy and forgiveness. Forgiveness frees us regardless of what the other person’s attitudes may be. This idea of “earning forgiveness” likely stems from childhood experiences when we are disciplined for wrong and rewarded for right behavior. Most of us see this at home and at school, so we come to expect rewards for doing good and punishment for not.
There is value and truth in this, but only if we are acting to please the Lord, not ourselves:
“The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have an opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.” Galatians 6:8-10 Berean
Goodness to all must be done in the spirit. It is impossible to sustain goodness in the flesh, though some have a head start with their God-given compassionate nature. Good works done for any other reason than God’s leading, however, are as worthless as sinful or evil works. This is “eating from the tree of good and evil” instead of from “the tree of life.” How rapidly might the world change if all of us Christians will endeavor to do good to everyone?
As children, and later as adults, we may struggle when this model of reward and consequences doesn’t show up fairly in our lives. We dislike the tests that come when unfair things happen to us that we do not deserve. We may cry out: “It’s not fair!”, not understanding God’s redemptive justice is higher than our ways and our desire for revenge. This is a hard lesson in God’s kingdom that should be obvious by now. God does not make His decisions based on what we humans consider fair.
Yet this comes as a disappointing truth for many of us until we understand more about how His ways are not ours. Surely Jesus was treated most unfairly and yet, in His suffering on the cross, He asked the Father to forgive them. He knew they did not know what they were doing, that they were actually fulfilling God’s plan to sacrifice His only son for all. Yet I have Jewish friends who have been persecuted and rejected by Christians, even as children, because Christians blame the Jews for Jesus’ crucifixion.
We desire a word of life, not just of good and evil. Many unbelievers have good hearts that flow out to others without godliness working within. Belivers do recognize we have further to go to forgive from the heart by the spirit of God working within us. When we grow and change in our understanding of His ways, however, ou harvest is spiritual and eternal, to be sure. It may never result in others treating us like we treat them, a disappointing fact of life, but the joy of pleasing the Lord in our well-doing becomes more and more satisfying. How little do we believers understand the purpose and plan of God when we get stuck in blaming humans for what God did?
Ironically, he offendert may have totally forgotten what happened, while we continue to ruminate about it. Ever heard someone say, “Every time I think about it, I get mad all over again!”? Well, God can stop that! We learn not to rehearse our hurts in our own minds, where the battle really starts, nor tell others about the offenses we suffer. We also commit to never bring it up again with the offender, just as God does with us. God understands the many hurts and unfairness all experience in this life. He comforts and directs us, knowing the price we pay for carrying them around.
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving devotion for those who fear Him. As far as the East is from the West, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalms 103:11-12 Berean
“I, yes I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25 Berean
If God puts our transgressions far away like east from west, He certainly is not taking them out and examining them on a regular basis. He is not warily watching us to see when we do it again or checking if He needs to remind us of our errors and sins. He is certainly not rehearsing our sings when He remembers them no more!
Christians don’t necessarily act as if we believe this about God, but it is what He said. The Hebrew word for “remember” in the scripture from Isaiah is “zakar,” meaning “to mark so as to recognize, to remember in order to mention, mindful, recount, bring, or call to mind, think on.” This is what God is promising never to do when He states unequivocally that He will remember our transgressions no more. Ever. Period.
He is our model so we, too, are to learn this as part of the forgiveness God desires for us to display. When we get to the stage in the process of forgiveness that we no longer internally rehearse another’s sin against us nor with external words and behaviors talk about it with anyone other than God, much treasure from heaven has been worked out. His spirit keeps this carnal way of thinking from becoming a familiar refrain in our minds and hearts.
Though our human struggles with forgiveness are understandable, it makes no sense to hang on and continually renew our distress, strengthening such depleting emotions. When the process of forgiveness is complete, these signs will be present: no bringing it up in our own souls, nor with others, nor with the other person.
“Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:14-15 Berean
We do not want to fall short of God’s grace, His unmerited favor. Reading this scripture in context, it is after addressing bitterness that the apostle Paul goes on to talk about the sins of the flesh. Could it be that God sees sins of the heart as even more damaging than, for example, the sexual immorality we see around us? All sin is falling short of the mark, but the sins of the flesh are not to be prioritized over a heart contaminated by wrong attitudes. Just where do the sins of the flesh start but in our hearts? A root of bitterness is most serious, defiling many!
When we continue to build up our case against the one(s) we know we are to forgive, we are literally digging a rut in our brains with this negative narrative. It’s like mentally pacing back and forth in a room when we are upset. If we keep it up, eventually there will be visible evidence of our familiar path of unforgiveness. This is prime “earth” for the root of bitterness to “spring up.” This phrase comes from the Greek word “phuo,” meaning “to puff or blow, to swell up to germinate or grow.” It is a very clear statement about what happens when we rehearse a bad story, over and over.
It grows a crop that is opposite of the mind and character of Christ. A root of bitterness becomes deeply and firmly established, fed by mental and emotional, if not verbal, rehearsals about the matter. Having a root implies that this bitterness was planted in the heart earlier, long enough to put the root down. When we “put down roots,” we are anchored to a place, but this time, it is a most costly and unhappy place to dwell in our hearts. How many faithful saints allow bitterness to be harbored in their hearts, causing damage and defiling many? Do we want to bear the ugly fruit of anger, self-justification, pride, jealousy, envy, wrath, or any other “fruit” this produces over time?
Some of us may have a root of bitterness without realizing it, as I had in the past. Then we need someone else to detect and pray for our deliverance. Others can pray for our freedom from this bondage, this sickness in our hearts, just as they do for our physical healing. We may have learned the hard way that bitterness is a significant part of self-pity, depression, and hopelessness. Medical science has also revealed that such powerful emotions negatively impact disease and increase death rates. So, it is a very good when someone else detects it and prays for deliverance for us. What a release this brings!
When we are with someone else who has a root of bitterness, we’re impacted negatively just by being around it. We may recognize a sick feeling in our soul after listening to their complaints. Bitterness is a poison that truly does defile many when it is allowed to grow and flourish. Nelson Mandela, the great leader, who surely learned a great deal by dealing with his enemies, said: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
God is a protective Father Who sometimes does tell us, “Enough.” He may show us to go on different paths or release us because of the heavy burdens of the relationship. When someone is repeatedly judgmental and bitter, blocking any spiritual assistance, and it’s poisoning us, too, He teaches us how to let go of the relationship, to leave it alone rather than seeking a repair. This is not only an abusive or violent partner puting the family at risk. It can also be a dependent relative we love who just keeps needing our help, never quite maturing. It may be the strain of loving someone who has a mental illness or addiction, caring for a chronically ill partner, or helping out a neighbor in a temporary time of need that just never seemed to end. There is a difference between the heart forgiveness necessitated by our obedience to God and the consequences to others of their choices and behaviors.
God knows the situation intimately. He knows how to strengthen those who are to stay, to endure until His time of change, to love the unlovable. God also knows how and when to release those from harm and oppression, those who are weary of carrying another’s burden that others need to carry for themselves. There is harm for both when one is leaning too heavily, for too long, on another. When we do things for others that they are able to do themselves, we are creating dependency rather than maturity. The wisdom of discerning what the other is able to do, to end rescue or enabling, comes from the holy spirit.
We are called to be the light of the world, yet unforgiveness and the judgment it feeds are part of what some people hold against Christians – our hateful, poisonous self-righteous attitude toward others. This is not speaking the truth in lov. It may be truth, but stems from a different spirit than God’s spirit of love and mercy. It is particularly noted when we Christians are holding forth and judging what we know nothing about. We have never been there nor been close to someone who has. We know nothing of so many others’ lives and suffering in this world, yet we take a (self) righteous stand.
It does seemswe all have found ourselves doing this despite knowing it is not to be a part of our Christian walk. There are endless attitudes and assumptions, including stereotypes, that we all have. It’s part of life, how our marvelous God-given brains work. These influence us, knowingly or—worse—unknowingly, in our attitudes and behaviors towards others. When we know our biases are influencing how we treat others, God helps us prevent these unexamined opinions from leading to judgment.
How beautifully the Lord works within us to have humility in knowing we do not know what it is like for another, even if we think we do! We want to show the light, not display harshness towards others in error. This is when those who do not believe ask, “Where’s the love?” God tells us that it is what comes out of a man that is defiling because it flows from what is in the heart. Jesus spoke to this when the Pharisees were upset because He and His disciples did not follow the established traditions of the elders. Jesus confronts them about speaking holy words while their hearts are far from Him.
Jesus said to the crowd:
“‘Listen and understand. A man is not defiled by what enters his mouth, but by what comes out of it.’ Then the disciples came to Him and said, ‘Are You aware that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?”
But Jesus replied, ‘Every plant that My heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by its roots. Disregard them! They are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.’
Peter said to Him, ‘Explain this parable to us.’ ‘Do you still not understand?’ Jesus asked. ‘Do you not yet realize that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then is eliminated?
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander. These are what defile a man, but eating with unwashed hands does not defile him.” Matthew 15:10-20 Berean
Jesus was teaching the crowd before Him that the Pharisees had their priorities wrong. They outwardly worshipped God, extolling the many virtues of keeping their rules and traditions, while inwardly, their hearts were full of pride and deceit. Did Jesus love His enemies? Of course! Did He know that most of the Pharisees and elders at the time would not hear or follow Him? Yes, He knew what was in their hearts. He wanted the crowd, as well as His disciples, to understand this. But He still forgave all, even His enemies.
Jesus was delivering a radically different message to the Jews listening to Him. Their religion was based upon following the law of Moses, requiring outward sacrifice and religious customs that were a show of righteousness. But there was no focus on what was in their hearts until Jesus came along. Like many of us when God reveals the ugly things in our hearts, they did not like it at all! They got offended, resisting or denying the truth of their inward condition.
What is in our hearts, when not dealt with by God, eventually comes out as behavior. Jesus was ministering a word that exposed what was in their hearts. The scribes and Pharisees were the only people Jesus repeatedly chastised and publicly judged. He never did this with sinners who came to Him. In His mercy, He saw all and sinners knew it. He spoke a word of power and light, a word of life that changed the course of their lives, so that the consequences that should or could have occurred end.
The Lord also allows natural consequences to occur, not intervening in this life lesson. We know He does not always rescue us from the consequences of our own choices, while reassuring us of His presence and His mercy. Jesus helds the erroneous or blind leaders of Christians to a higher standard than their followers, because of the authority and power they had. This is seen as spiritual wickedness in high places:
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:11-13 Berean
Throughout this post, the enemy is referenced as a person or persons, and that’s usually where we struggle with forgiveness. But God reminds us that it’s really the spirits within them that have power in this world’s darkness. It’s the spirit of darkness coming from the hearts of those who harm us or those we love. He is clear that there are spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. There are evil spiritual forces working in the heavens, and there are realms of heaven. That’s a lot to consider here, but one thing is certain: it is the spirits that rule in darkness within our enemies, and we are at risk of allowing them to grow within us.
The Lord works forgiveness by cleansing our hearts of any resentment, hurt, and anger, so we may come to peace about accepting God’s will. We may continue to have a burden of prayer for that person even if they leave, but they may never know or understand it. Sometimes God releases us from relationships that our brothers and sisters in Christ judge us for ending. We are led by the Lord but other Christians see it differently.
And, what about the horrific things that man does to others that is far beyond our human understanding, completely outside our experiences? We desire justice in this world, but we know that the world is sadly, even horribly, lacking in true and righteous judgment. Most would say that there are things that are just unforgivable. As our earthly conditions worsen, what is happening in this 21st century sounds a lot like this scripture in Amos.
“It is as if a man runs from a lion [escaping one danger] and a bear meets him [so he dies anyway], or goes home, and leans with his hand against the wall and a snake bites him.” Amos 5:19 NIV
We believers cannot deny that there are terrible things happening in this world, one after the other. Multitudes face danger, death, and loss. More and more are victims of natural disasters. It becomes particularly offensive for Christians to casually and without thought or prayer, provide superficial advice for dealing with extremely adverse circumstances. While being grateful that we are not tested in some ways, we remain humble in realizing we have not dealt with anything close to the challenges of other believers.
Many of us have not been asked to forgive someone who caused a fatal accident that took the life of a loved one, or the murder of a child or family member, or watching lives and homes destroyed by our country’s enemies in times of war, or being tormented and defiled by those who are supposed to love us, or captured and tortured by our enemies. Unless God gives words for such circumstances far beyond our understanding, it is better not to say anything. When well-meaning Christians attempt to comfort others with platitudes, they often end up causing the person, particularly children, to feel misunderstood or confused rather than comforted and supported. Sometimes we rush to this response because it is too difficult for us to hear about such experiences.
How we all require the wisdom of God when interacting with those who are angry and suffering unspeakable pain and loss! God help us to share scriptures wisely in God’s time, with God’s motivation of love and compassion for the suffering of others. Though we may never know what it is like to have such things happen, God can work His compassion and understanding for them into our hearts. When offering godly counsel, we cannot just give what we think is “good advice.” When we are not led by the Lord, we say unhelpful things, causing further distress.
The wise path is to wait until we know what to say and when to say it. As Ecclesiastes says, there is a season for all things. How the Lord’s heart must grieve to see little ones abused, tortured, and even permanently damaged or killed by a parent or caregiver. It can be almost unbearable to sit with others who have had things happen to them that others cannot even imagine. No one really wants to hear the worst that humans can do to another, particularly to innocent children.
We are to handle carefully the bruised and broken hearts of others, praying that they will allow God to give them His comfort and rest:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 12:20 Berean
There are many Christians who have been able to forgive unspeakable things, some unknown and others famous because of it. It is an amazing work of God when this happens. We think of Corrie Ten Boom who saw the Nazis destroy her family and later was able to forgive and minister this truth to one of the very guards who cruelly treated them in the Nazi prison camp. We hear accounts of murderers who have been forgiven and even nurtured by the Christian families of their victims. Veterans have gone back to the foreign countries they fought against during times of war, enabling them to meet their former enemies to comfort one another in the many tragedies of war they both experienced.
There are also many believers throughout history whom God sees and enables to forgive the unforgivable, though we know nothing about it. For that matter, Jesus Christ our Lord, through the power and love of His Father, does exactly this all the time. He knows all things, so He knows the unspeakable in each human, yet He has no limit to His compassion and mercy.
We may seem far from God’s way in this matter of forgiveness.. Our human hearts may resist this truth of God, thinking surely this is a person or a situation that is unforgivable. How do we so love as to sustain mercy through judgment as He does? It seems an impossible dream today, but He is able to do all things according to His purpose and plan. How do people come to this? It is surely not a one-time decision that pronounces their enemies to be fully forgiven.
This deepest level of forgiveness is a miracle of the heart, something only God can lead one to do. It cannot be a prescription someone else gives or demands of them, particularly someone outside their circumstances. It has to be a process over time that God directs, changing hearts to lead us down this path. It is difficult even to imagine being able to do what many saints have done. But when God asks us to do something, He enables us to do it! Jesus forgave His enemies on the cross and we are to be like Him. In ourselves it is impossible, but in Christ, all things are possible.
This is forgiveness not asked for by the offender, but given regardless. Those who crucified our Lord certainly were not asking for His forgiveness while they watched him die. He really did know that they were deceived, that they did not realize what they were doing and He forgave them regardless. There are many saints who have walked in these deep waters of forgiveness and redemption with the Lord. They have allowed God to work within them in amazing and beautiful ways. They want to be like Him and are able and willing to do so.
While we hear and marvel at all God has done in such believers, we need time to bear up in horrible situations, to endure them in His ways, not ours. Time itself does not heal all wounds but forgiveness that frees the heart depends on God, Who knows the persons involved, the depth and type of wound and what each of us need to be obedient. We never get over some events as they , permanently change us, but God is able to give peace in our new and different life though it will never be the same before the offense, the loss, the wound, occurs.
God has no limits on what He forgives but humans sure do. Our capacity for forgiveness must grow until we are able to forgive as He does. This is the path we are on, to learn of His ways that are not ours.
“Seek the LORD while He may be found; call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked man forsake his own way and the unrighteous man his own thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that He may have compassion, and to our God, for He will freely pardon.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.’” Isaiah 55:6-9 Berean
We pray for His will, not ours. God is a Healer of all in every situation. He is faithful and just to create that same ability that He has: to be willing and then to do His good pleasure by forgiving others. We are not able to provide true redemptive justice without a change of heart. Laws can’t do it, though they are necessary to protect the innocent.
As our will is submitted to Him, He softens our hardened hearts and changes our emotions to compassion and mercy. He changes our hardened hearts into hearts that are soft, pliable, able to to be written upon with His ways. He is an amazing, incredible God whose ways are not ours until the full redemption of His plan makes us into His image and likeness.